Rebuilding for dummies, Chicago sports edition

April 26, 2012|By Bag Boy, For RedEye

Great dynasty. I blinked and missed it.

So long, Blackhawks. Since winning Lord Stanley's Cup, you've won zero playoff series. That's one less than one. In two seasons.

Um, changes please. Our stars didn't show up. Our kids played well but not well enough, and our goalies are good, not great.

Someone has got to go, and I vote for one of the Patricks. Sharp or Kane, you choose, Stan Bowman. Maybe trade some of those kids for a stud goalie. Not a major blow-up. Just a tweaker. And be careful. The further out we get from the title, the more people will love the Bulls first.

The Bulls. Derrick Rose, meet Rip Hamilton. Rip, this is Derrick. You two will be playing together in the postseason along with the rest of the so-called starters. The coveted No. 1 seed. It means so much, doesn't it? I don't know, I'm asking. It meant a lot until we lost to the Miami Heat last year. Just sayin'.

I'm also just sayin' this. There's something going on on the South Side. Look, I know it's early, only April. But the Sox starters can be lights-out. And that's one through five. So, thank you Don Cooper, for the rehab job on Philip Humber.

I just have one request. Can we find the Don Cooper for hitters and bring him here as well?

Because Brent Morel and Gordon Beckham are broken. Broken as in "I can't watch them anymore" broken. They may never see .200 again!

I'm not saying the Sox are even close to the best in the AL, but man, that pitching. Kenny, you might have a problem later on. You may have to make a trade or two, and actually go for it again, and you thought you were done with that! Sorry, good pitching. It'll get you.

That's assuming Jake Peavy's arm doesn't fall off. Huge assumption. Huge. And Gavin Floyd, knock it off with the Javier Vasquez imitation. Unless you like being a .500 pitcher. What? I didn't think so.

Not bad for a rebuilding year. Just like the Cubs. They're rebuilding and they're unwatchable.

See, Kenny, that's how you're supposes to rebuild.

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

RedEye Chicago Articles