Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's an important moment in American history. No, Jessica Simpson has not had her baby (yet). The trailer for "Magic Mike," aka The Channing Tatum Stripper Movie, was unleashed on the Internet on Thursday. While it's slightly less revealing than we'd hoped, this is a preview after all. We took on the daunting task of watching it approximately 34 times to break down this cinematic wonder by the numbers. You're welcome.
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The number of sexy cops who bust up a college party at the beginning of the trailer.
The age of Matthew McConaughey, the movie's elder stripper. After seeing him shirtless, you will be shocked by this number.
Number of Rihanna songs featured prominently -- "We Found Love." Is a strip club really "a hopeless place"? Well, yes, we suppose it is.
Number of stripper motifs featured, including construction worker, fireman, cowboy and ... slutty hip-hop dancer? Something along those lines? Whatever, Channing Tatum is a fantastic dancer.
You don't want to know what Magic Mike has to do for this bill. Wait, but we do!
Number of cheesy lines -- but we're sure there's way more in the movie. "You must be really good with your hands" and the classic "Wow, that's a lotta ones" take the cake.
The movie's release date. Just in time to celebrate our nation's independence -- and the independence of Joe Manganiello's pants from his body.