I'd like to speak with you seriously for a moment about words.
We all use them. And I've seen a number of them lately that have sounded some alarms.
They create fear, uncertainty, anxiety and ulcers. Especially this time of year heading into the NBA and NHL playoffs.
Those words are: "doubtful," "questionable," "unlikely," "undecided," "sidelined" and "inactive."
It's driving me crazy. Those words refer to our two biggest stars this time of year: Jonathan Toews and Derrick Rose.
First, Rose. It's the ankle. It's this; it's that. Come on. Sit him down or suit him up.
And Toews is concussed. So, basically, I have the Blackhawks either winning it all (after the season-ender against the Wings, thank you!) or losing in the first round against the Coyotes.
To make things worse, yes, the Bulls are tough without Rose, but get real. Without him they'll last about one round in the playoffs. With him, they may win it all.
Bipolar there, too. So, combined, I'm a quadrapolargic. I've fallen and I won't get up.
By the way, Richard Hamilton is back. I would love to say "Hallelujah" and "Praise the lord" except I have no recollection of how he played when he was healthy. I don't even know who he is anymore.
I'm just feeling really scared, alone and vulnerable. I've tried that online dating thing but maybe I should take the quadra-polar thing off the profile? Let them find out on their own? Yeah, good call.
There's also this to worry about (the fifth pole!): Matt Forte not reporting to MTAs in the spring.
Oh, Matty, do not be a fool. Do not tempt the football gods. Look at our guy Lance Briggs. He stayed patient, got a deal and will retire a Bear. That could be you. So let's quit the woe-is-me act and get with the team.
As for the team, um, we still need OL, DL, DB, WR and LB. And everything else. Please, keep looking Phil Emery.
Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.