Guess I'm in Some Fashion Show at Underground

April 10, 2012|Stephen Markley

Well, this should be interesting.

Because I say yes to just about everything that involves alcohol, up to and including date rape, I guess I’ll be appearing in the Style Series 2012 Hyper Local fashion show sponsored by Rockit Ranch Productions and Garmental.com this Thursday at 9 p.m. This is, it appears, where local Chicagoans model—yes, I said “model”—a “spring line-up” from local fashion designers at a party in The Underground.

When I got asked to participate, don’t think that having someone dress me, put makeup on me, and “style” my hair wasn’t a big pull. This is the coolest I will look since I got my brand new Seattle Supersonics sweatshirt that I wore every day in sixth grade. This proves that fashionably tragic people win in life all the time. Eat shit, Calvin Klein.

The irony being that I still actively wear stuff I was wearing to eighth grade classrooms (after chewing the sleeves of the Sonics sweatshirt to tatters by that point), that I have a shirt I actually where around female people that has a very visible stain from nacho cheese sauce, and that I don’t actually own a pair of socks without holes in at least one.

I’ve been practicing my walk, which I like to think of as my “Brad Pitt lighting a cigarette and dropping the match into a pool of gasoline that blows up the car while he struts away,” walk.

Anyway, all this is so out of my wheelhouse, I’ve been lying to people and telling them it’s for charity. So come to the Underground for a fashion show benefiting lame twentysomething writers wearing the tightest pair of pants they’ve ever tried on in their adult lives.

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