Hello again, squirrelfriends and welcome back to our recaps of the best show on TV,"RuPaul's Drag Race."When we last checked in with our ladies, they were tramping it up in a wet T-shirt contest and parading around in boats.
This week, we start with the contestants giving Jiggly Caliente a little heat for being in the bottom last week.
Ru arrives for the mini-challenge soon, though, which turns out to be a reading contest, and not like the kind Scolastic Books holds. The queens have to read each other, doling out insults like so many treats.
"Phi Phi sucked," Sharon Needles unnecessarily tells us. Latrice Royale might have taken top honors, but the line of the episode (if not the season) goes to Sharon, who gives us this gem:
"Jiggly Caliente, you're such a fat slut, after sex you smoke hams."
After everyone recovers from that cutter, Ru gives them their main challenge: To design and appear on the cover of their own "Dragazine."
Latrice gets to hand out the cover themes and gives the health and fitness magazine, "Battle of the Bulge," to Jiggly, who's unsure of which direction to go.
She toys with being serious and several of the queens urge her to go hilarious instead. Only Phi Phi O'Hara (Chicago!) says to be straightforward.
"I'm tired of Jiggly. She doesn't belong here," Phi Phi says.
Ru tries to redirect Jiggly and tell her that she's been able to "process" other people's criticisms through humor.
"You're Jiggly Caliente!" she says. "You're funny. Do that. It's not rocket science."
Lady Caliente is having none of it, though, and says she's sticking with the serious take.
The queens shoot their covers, with varying degrees of success.
Chad Michaels thinks a nose ring and "Veronica Lake" style is cutting-edge fashion and Dida Ritz (Chicago!) disdainfully holds out her plate of chicken.
Sharon Needles' cover for Kitty Cats magazine is inspired, and she serves up some Little Edie realness while joking with the hot photographer.
Before they hit the runway, the contestants have a funny and interesting debate about the term "marriage" when it comes to gay committed relationships. Latrice wants a more "fabulous" name than "marriage."
Guest judges Pam Tillis and Regina King join the fabulous Ru on the runway.
Sharon comes out as a cross between Elvira and Janice Dickinson, a comparison she'd probably consider flattering, and Dida goes a s-shaped walk in her platinum-sequin dress.
"It's a strategic walk so a sniper can't get her," Ru says.
Chad Michaels offers up a blond Pat Benetar, Latrice Royale goes fall-colors velour, Willam's all pink body-consciousness and Jiggly is again at a Brooklyn prom.
Phi Phi finally nails the runway in her blue gladiator sequins and for her trouble wins the challenge.
"It looks like a couch from Rent-a-Center," Santino says about Latrice's look.
Willam doesn't fare much better and gets read for filth. She's sent to the bottom two to lip sync for her life, along with sad little Jiggly.
The lip-sync-off is set to a Pam Tillis tune, which isn't fair for either contestant, but they have to pick a winner.
It's Willam who's saved for the day, and Jiggly who's sent to sashay away.
Join us next week when the queens get lie-dectector tests!
Here are some of the best quotes from the episode ...
"Sweet potatoes have antioxidants. It's a good fat, as they say." -- Willam
"Latrice Royale, you're free now you don't have to rock the yard sandals." -- Dida
"Willam, Miss Industry, congratulations on your new role as the Big Bad Wolf, by the hair on your chinny chin chin." -- Latrice
"5 Gs, please: Good God, get a grip, girl." -- Latrice
"I prefer 'editor in queef.'" -- Willam
"I love Regina King. She's on a show called 'Southland.' Oh, wait. I was on a show called 'Southland.'" -- Willam
"Have you done porn? Well, you should really consider it." -- Sharon Needles
"Ha ha. I'm the prettiest one now that Kenya's gone!" -- Willam
"Please don't address them." -- Willam, to the photographer about the other models
"She looked like she had a dead baby lamb on her head, and who wants that?" -- Michelle Visage, with Santino responding, "Sharon Needles."