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Finding love is a sensitive subject


  • Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams in "The Vow"
Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams in "The Vow"
March 14, 2012|By Anthony Roberts, For RedEye

Ralph Tresvant had a hit in 1990 with his song "Sensitivity." Can you name any songs he made after that? Do you even know who Ralph Tresvant is? No? Exactly.

That's because sensitivity's for suckas.

Movies such as the ever-popular "The Notebook" and, more recently,"The Vow,"are some of the most vicious perpetrators of the myth that all women want is a nice guy.

Some women think—or at least they say—they want a nice, caring, gentle guy. You know, the dude who will wear a mock neck sweater in the family Christmas card photo, hold her purse when she tries on clothes and get all emo at the end of movies such as, well, "The Notebook" and "The Vow."

That's cute and all, but c'mon. Deep down, most women do not want passive boyfriends. They want strong men, which is why I've become a proponent of what I've coined The Backbone Movement. That's right, we're making it OK to be a guy's guy again. But don't get it twisted—being a man does not equate to being a jerk.

For the fellas who've been bitten by the Drake bug, pay special attention. Here's my guide to keeping—or reclaiming—your man card.

Emotions aren't made for sleeves

My estrogen level is pretty low, so I can't accurately tell you what's going through a woman's mind when she looks at a dude she wants to date. But it for damn sure isn't: "He looks like he's in touch with his feminine side." You can be super in touch with your feelings if you'd like, but that'll probably be the only thing that you'll be touching or feeling.

Don't go on day dates

Yo, this will get you nowhere. If you're getting day-dated, you're the guy who's filling time before she goes out at night with the guy who is where you wanna be. Lunch date? Tell her you're allergic to lunch. You eat only dinner.

Shopping outings? Forget it

Don't let yourself become the male sister she never had. Unless this is a long-term girlfriend or the two of you are browsing for lingerie, stay outta the mall, homie.

Don't be a 'yes' man

Agreeing with everything she says just makes you look like a bobblehead. Remember, it's called The Backbone Movement for a reason.

Stop ex-plaining

If all of your stories about your last relationship involve her cheating on you, losing all your money and just how badly you were treated, that says a lot about you. Say less.

And a tip for the ladies

If you're going through one of those "I wanna try something different" phases, let him know you're pulling a Joakim Noah, and that his ass is a rebound. If we're going to conduct ourselves like men, you also should woman up and tell us the truth.

Good communication, honesty and respect will still take you far in this world when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. But remember, fellas, there's a thin line between hugs and dates. But don't take it from me—just ask that guy back there finishing last.


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