Who's ready for T-shirt-and-shorts season? (Getty Images file )
I have no way of knowing what time it is right now, as you read this column (that you know of), but it's probably not that cold out. Awesome! You're totally going to have lunch outside, right?
Well, not all of us are so excited about this early spring. Actually, it's kind of a problem.
Between sweating like I'm at customs with a kilo of heroin because office buildings don't turn off the heat until the Fourth of friggin' July because Megan is "soooo cold, you guys" and the awkward scramble to find clothes that aren't flannel-lined, I'm really not feeling this heat wave so far.
I'm not telling stories out of school if I say a lot of us take the winter off when it comes to the sexy factor, right?
There's all that delicious chili and apple crisp and stew and beer and a few more beers because it's cold and and and you know what? I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU, OK?
Sorry. I'm just bitter that we're experiencing T-shirt-and-shorts weather and I'm not even close to prime flirting shape. (Although, I should warn the ladies that my calves can get you eye-pregnant.)
I'm not the only one who's been caught unprepared by this early burst of good weather. Attendance at my gym went from deserted to Wal-Mart on a Black Friday in less than three days this week.
The worst part? This freak weather (Is this El Nino? Ill Nino? Wait, that's a band, right?) has completely thrown off the dating seasons in Chicago. We weren't ready! The winter dating bleh can't be over yet! Spring doesn't even officially start until March 20!
There's got to be an order to this whole thing. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The first official day of dating season is St. Patrick's Day. You dress up, you start drinking at 6:45 a.m. and you make out with your co-worker's college roommate by lunchtime. Rules are rules.
Now cats were out there grilling before Mardi Gras? I'm just not feeling it.
It's not all bad, though. This city truly is the best in the world when it's warm. And let's not kid ourselves: We're all a lot nicer to each other when the daily high temperature is above 40 degrees.
Just ... a little warning next time?
ERNEST WILKINS IS CHICAGO'S WINGMAN. ERWILKINS@TRIBUNE.COM | @ERNESTWILKINS