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Where's the love at these clubs?

OPINION

  • Bouncer
Bouncer (Getty Images )
February 29, 2012|By Grant Yanney, For RedEye

Paging one irate, abusive club bouncer. Yes, I'm talking to you, big bully!

Who gave you the right to choke-slam my best friend out of the club a few weeks ago? News flash: Last I checked, the club isn't the WWE and you, sir, are not Big Show. How are you going to deny my homie entrance to the club when you're wearing JNCO jeans and a smedium "Jumanji" shirt?

For real, some of Chicago's bouncers need to stop taking their jobs so seriously. This is club security. The task is to ensure the safety of club patrons and to keep the peace. Stop treating the club like a Brinks armored truck with gold bullion and conflict diamonds inside.

We all understand the perils that come with partying in the third-largest and most gangster city in America. Being a bouncer isn't the easiest job in the world. Understandable. But that's what you signed up for.

Sure, there are a few classless ruffians who frequent clubs to start fights instead of talking to women. Bouncers have every right to mistreat those sad individuals. But why are some bouncers accosting good folks like my homie and me?

As a socialite and groovemaker, I've had the pleasure of sauntering through many a club and tavern. Most times, I've had a great experience. Get a couple drinks, network a little bit and display some footwork. (Yes, footwork! Google that famous Chicago dance, my friends.) I've also encountered some fantastic bouncers. Shouts to the guy who once helped me find my lost BlackBerry.

That's what makes the terrible ones so frustrating. My advice to the bad bouncers: Stop flexing at the customers and try smiling more. One of the patrons standing in line might be a director who casts you for the door guy role in a major movie. Hey, you never know.

Enough with the hyper-aggressive pat-downs. I feel violated. If it's a weapon you're looking for, have your sister check me out. And stop trying to holla at females on the job. You get paid to do your job. I'm not mad at you for getting your pimp on, but if I get stabbed in my neck while you're somewhere trying to stab a drunk chick then I'm going to be heated! Now if a young lady runs up on you while you're at your post, by all means get that number and text her to make sure she made it home safe, player.

The key is we all need to treat people the way we want to be treated. Don't be so quick to judge. During my De La Salle days, a lot of kids wore dusty-looking Doc Martens to school—and they were wealthy trust fund babies. It's the same in the club. The guy you think is a baller because he has the fresh ride might also live in his parents' basement.

I'll leave you with this: One of the best parts of communication is that you don't have to actually touch somebody to get your point across. Message! A lot of nightclub issues would be alleviated if we all learned how to talk to one another. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Aretha made a song about that one.

GRANT YANNEY IS A REDEYE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR.

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