Bonjourno, squirrelfriends and welcome back to"RuPaul's Drag Race,"the best show on television. When we last visited the girls, they were saying goodbye to Chicago's favorite princess, The Princess.
But dry your tears, because this episode, we go ... to jail. There's no crying in jail, ladies. But before we can head off the hoosegow, we have to get booked.
For the mini challenge, the contestants are put under arrest and have to give their best mug shot mug in pairs. Only problem is the queens are handcuffed to each other and have to do their partner's makeup.
Willam's brainstorm for he and partner Madame LaQueer to blue themselves up as if a dye pack had exploded in their faces wins them the mini-challenge and makes them the team captains for the main challenge.
For the big shebang, the queens divide into teams of two and play parts in "Hot in Tuckahoe," a sitcom about four friends in jail. On each team, one of the queens has to play the part of a typical sitcom stereotype: the prissy one, the slut, the finger-wagging boss, the dumb one and the mean lady.
As Madame LaQueer's team gets started with their roles, we are treated to some high comedy as Milan complains to Madame that Sharon Needles is helping Kenya with her lines.
"You going to let her take over this?" Milan asks Madame.
Milan, girl, we all remember last week when you were bossing Kenya around like you signed her paycheck.
Over on team Willam, things are going smoother, partially because of Willam's extensive acting experience (as she mentions more than a few times) and partially because of how well Latrice Royale falls into the role of prison guard.
"The tables are turned, baby!" Latrice tells Ru.
On the set, creator of "Will and Grace" Max Mutchnick makes a general jerk of himself directing the actors. Willam corrects Max's incorrect pronounciation of his name but doesn't do the same to Ru because "he's got a $100,000 check."
But Willam's team really nails it, particularly Latrice, who hams it up enough to even make Max happy.
I would watch Latrice in "Get Those Nuts Away From My Face," you guys.
Things are not going as smoothly for Madame's team, with Sharon repeatedly flubbing her lines and arguing with Max over his direction.
Dida Ritz -- what's up, Chicago! -- is a bright spot on the team, but Kenya and Madame both can't enunciate their lines and Milan thinks she's in "Sunset Boulevard."
She is ready for her closeup, Mr. DeMille.
After Latrice takes everyone to church with her "Jesus is a biscuit" dance, things get hairy in the workroom as the queens get their runway looks ready.
Sharon tries to talk to Phi Phi O'Hara about last week's judging and tells her that she sort of threw Phi Phi under the bus out of fear she'd be in the bottom two.
Phi Phi does not like this at all and the conversation devolves into the name-calling we've been seeing in the promos for weeks.
"Go back to Party City where you belong," Phi Phi yells.
"I'm the [bleeping] future of drag," Sharon responds, calling Phi Phi "20 years ago."
On the runway, Ru is powerful in purple with guest judges Nicole Sullivan and Max Mutchnick doling out support on the panel. The queens are in red-carpet realness.
Phi Phi looks angelic in a puffy white getup, Latrice goes royal in sparkly blue, Dida wears a cute flirty minidress and another tragic wig and Madame offers up Kirstie Alley, pre-weight loss.
Willam has a more casual red-carpet dress but it's Vivienne Westwood so all is forgiven, Kenya Michaels has another Lil Kim moment in yellow, everyone swoons at Chad Michael's redheaded Renaissance elegance, Jiggly returns to prom couture and Milan offers up a gorgeous gold Joan Crawford.
Sharon goes camp with a grey-haired Carol Burnett and then the judges preview the sitcoms.
As expected, team Willam wins, with Latrice taking first prize, and the Madame gang lands in the bottom.
Forced to lip-sync for their lives are Milan and Madame, with Madame going full "Pointer Sister," as Jiggly calls it, in her performance.
Madame's forced to sashay away and Milan lives to boss people around another day.
Next week: Snatch game!
Here are some of the episode's best quotes:
"I'm sorry but the Princess is in another castle." -- Sharon Needles
"What did I do that was unChristian that I have Madame as my default partner?" -- Willam
"I have been to prison. I don't plan on going into no more handcuffs." -- Latrice Royale
"They both look like they swallowed the Smurfs." -- Jiggly Caliente
"It must be five o'clock somewhere because you got the shadow." -- RuPaul
"If the wig don't fit, you can acquit." -- RuPaul
"I was really tapping into some serious acting skills there because Marge doesn't like nuts but Latrice does." -- Latrice
"She's so vaginal in white." -- Ru
"[Milan] swiffered the floor with his taint." -- Willam