If the rumblings prove true and 2013 sees the North Siders playing next season at The Cell while Wrigley is revamped, I'm going to do something I swore I never would.
I am going to pray the Cubs suck.
The thought of hoping a team tanks—the one with a big white flag with a "W" on it to which I've pledged allegiance—makes me feel less Chicago patriotic than putting ketchup on a hot dog while genuinely appreciating the tastefulness of the Marilyn statue.
But it must be done. If the Cubs have any success, a shot at the World Series included, as they play on the South Side, fan bragging rights will be shredded quicker than the Bartman ball. A Cubs fans' "Hey, we won our first Series in more than a century in your park, tie that to your kite and fly it!" would quickly be met with "You're welcome. And you suck at trash talk."
"You're welcome for the borrowed bases run in pursuit of a pennant. We don't mind at all you've finally claimed ultimate baseball victory; you could only accomplish it in our house."
And even if you're a hardened enough Cubs fan to withstand the litany of asinine quips that could come of a World Series won at Comiskey, there's still reason to hope for a mediocre-at-best season. Any ensuing parade of Old Style-soaked Cubs fans staggering to the streets after clinching the World Series at "home" on West 35th Street would make the G8 protests look like Occupy Waterloo Iowa. (And yes, I acknowledge the Sox winning at Wrigley would be met with the same ugliness.)
There would forever be an asterisk burned into the story line. The Cubs finally won, after a painstaking 104 years, but it wasn't at home. Pictures of the final score would be surrounded by gaudy pinwheels as Wrigley sat dark. Somewhere, Caray, Santo and a goat have a discussion about irony over a few beers.
Hoping for a less-than-stellar 2013 won't kill us.
There's always 2014, unless, to quote the recently departed, this is the year.
firstname.lastname@example.org | @mickswasko