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The Chicago Winter Olympics of average

February 16, 2012|By Bag Boy, For RedEye

I turn my back for one minute (to get a snack), come back and suddenly it's a winter of discontent.

We have a ton of mediocrity to get to.

Blackhawks. Losers of nine straight. That was one of the quickest dynasties ever. If you blinked (and I have) you missed it.

The fact that this is going on while the Red Wings are on a terror merely throws salt, and a little bit of pepper, into my wounds.

We also have a goalie problem with Corey Crawford and Ray Emery. The problem: Both are average, at best.

Now the blame game, my favorite. Some say: Fire Quenneville. Easy, tigers. Let the season end in utter discontent and then fire him.

We can't dwell on this. There's too much more to get to.

Derrick Rose has a back problem. He's too young to have back problems. If I see "back" and "specialist" in the same sentence, well, frankly, it makes me think of relatives I have. Ones over 70.

So that's disturbing. That leaves us Luol Deng and a bunch of heart. Well, that's sweet if the team were Hickory and coached by Gene Hackman, but sadly, this is the NBA.

We're not getting past the Heat.

But we can't dwell on this, either, because the White Sox signed Kosuke Fukudome. This is what's commonly known as a "risk-free" contract, but you and I know it's actually a "reward-free" contract because he will disappoint.

Let's move on quickly, though, because I hear people (idiots) saying Randy Moss would be a good fit for the Bears.

No, no, no. Let me reiterate: No.

If you add pouty Jay Cutler to the explosive Randy Moss, it's the equivalent to adding Menthos to Diet Coke. Please, no more.

Next, Illini basketball, which is now in danger of joining the mediocre. Bruce Weber is on death watch. Be careful. I don't see anyone better heading this way. Younger, maybe, not better.

And don't dwell on that because another Bear got busted for drugs.

What are they smoking at Halas Hall—literally?

Bag Boy is a RedEye special contributor.

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