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Jessica's 'Jersey Shore' recap: Day drinking leads to confrontation

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February 03, 2012|By Jessica Cantarelli, RedEye

Vinny is back on "Jersey Shore" and all is right in the world of fake tanning, neon makeup and steroids. But it seems the spotlight has shifted over to the Situation, who brings crazy to a whole new level.

The crew hits up the club that night and good ol' Snooks gets so excited she pees herself right there on the dance floor. The camera cuts to Mama JWoww who looks disgruntled at her friend for peeing on the floor. There's nothing classy JWoww hates more than a sloppy drunk. But, it's nothing a Shore Shower (approximately 1,000 spritzes of Exclamation cologne) can't fix. Props to Snooki for not letting a little accident ruin her night.

Though no one brought any strays home with them that night, the next morning was filled with it's own set of shenanigans. Snooki wakes up in her outfit and realizes she hadn't disposed of her piss pants from the night before. Deena's extensions are in a tangled mess again (she really needs to learn that she has to wash those on a somewhat regular basis) and while doing her hair, she gets an electric shock from the blow dryer.

This sparks a supremely idiotic back and forth about electrocution between herself and Sammi Sweetheart. "I think wall electrocution is like electronics," Deena said. The only thing I gained from it was realizing that neither of them, in fact, knows what electrocution is.

The gang heads to Janks, and Mike immediately goes off to do his own thing. Snooki throws on two pairs of "underwears" for the day in case she goes baby puggle on everyone again. Something funky's going on, though, because she can't control her bladder and doesn't wash her hands when she goes to the bathroom, which is ok, Deena said, because she never does it either.

Snooki realizes she probably has a UTI, which does not stand for Ultimate Tanning Institute--the other kind of UTI. So the best bet would be to start pounding tequila, as, you know, a painkiller.

Meanwhile, Situation does not want to leave Jenks. He's already befriended a bunch of hot girls in bikinis, who were conveniently surrounded by cute shirtless guys he starts calling "bro." That's when Situation starts to realize what's going on--he's pretty sure there are people in the house who like to gang up and talk about him. I don't imagine this guy has ever actually seen an episode of "Jersey Shore," because this is not news.

Back at the house, everyone is day drunk, and Mike, who is seen topless with a giant mosaic blur around his, well, his crotch, starts to get heated and proceeds to go on a 10-minute rant ala a crazy person on the CTA about how he's trying to be nice and everyone hates him. Nobody seems to acknowledge whatever the blur is hiding except Mama JWoww, who goes all southern Belle on everyone. Riiiiiiight. At this point, honey, you should give it up--no one's going to believe that you're shy or even slightly uncomfortable around (what I can only imagine based on the mosaic) a miniscule private part. But she still acts flustered and is hiding her head ala Scarlett O'Hara.

Situation keeps on with his rant, spouting off such gems as "extra special nice" "rewind the phone call" "star six seven" (you're really dating yourself with that one, buddy) and "I'm like a little girl."

When Situation confronts the men about who or who isn't smack talking him,  everyone goes into denial mode. Which seems to be enough to shut him up.

That's when Snooki decides to break out the humping bunny suit and go wild on everyone. Everyone calms down with a little game of warm beer, and Snooki ends up with soot all over her face.

The next day, all is right at the shore house. Snooki's dad, Andy, pays a visit and gives JWoww a big, uncomfortable lip kiss. Meanwhile, at the Shore Store, Situation runs into Papa JWoww, Roger, on the boardwalk. But he's been avoiding his girl, and catching wind that he's in the area puts JWoww into a roid rage.

"Nice Mike" quickly turns on his Mr. Hyde face when he decides he's going to blow the lid on Snooki's secret, with the help of his partner in life, The Unit.  Next week, we'll see how Situation and Unit team up to clear up the "unfinished business" with Snooki, who Situation calls "the real troublemaker." That, or the next "issue" we'll deal with on Jersey Shore will be split personality disorder.

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