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'Top Chef: Texas' episode 12 recap

In which we award points for butcher hats, bleepin' bleeps and tofu emulsions

January 26, 2012|By Lisa Arnett | RedEye

-The episode kicks off with Chris telling the other chefs, “I really don't want to do a group challenge. No offense to you all.” He’s tempting the gods and that probably means they will do a group challenge. -1 point.
-He’s paired with Grayson for the quickfire challenge, and from the start, she doesn’t think he’s working fast enough. “I believe that fast is slow and slow is smooth,” he says. Not sure exactly what he means by that, but I’m guessing it means that Grayson should lay off so he can get the job done. -1 point.
-He redeems himself by being the first to finish preparing the corn, but he and Grayson are still last to finish their prep work and just barely finish cooking their dish. Close call, guys. 0 points.
-As a short cut, he admits that he deep-fried his bacon to get it crispy in time. The judges don’t seem to be impressed, but it sounds brilliant to me -- and the judges pick their dish as the winner.  He and Grayson win and get to split $10,000. “I get to take home 5,000 dollars to my family,” says Chris, elated. “It may not be a lot of money to a lot of people, but five thousand dollars really puts us ahead, and we need it.” Cue montage of cute family photos again. +2 points.
-In the elimination challenge, Grayson suggests they cook a chicken salad sandwich and Chris goes with it because he “doesn’t have any better ideas.” The guy from Moto doesn’t have any better ideas ? Jones, are you kidding me? -1 point.
-Chris takes the healthy portion of the challenge seriously and picks white mean chicken and a tofu emulsion for his sandwich, while Grayson goes with dark meat and mayo. “I really need to hit a home run,” he says. “Grayson’s a competitor. But hopefully my idea will stand out as the best dish.” +1 point.
-He looks to be ahead of Grayson when he’s assembling his sandwiches and she’s still working on her components. She also struggles to make her sandwiches to order fast enough, while Chris doles them out easily. +1 point.
-At the block party, he brings back his paper butcher hat – with a hole cut in the top for his ponytail to stick out. +1 point.
-Using watermelon and pineapple in his salad has drawn a swarm of bees, which he’s allergic too and, not surprisingly, quite scared of. “If they sting me a couple times, I could be in trouble.” Swatting and swearing at them does no good. -1 point.
-Prepping the sandwiches ahead of time has come back to bite Chris. The judges say that both his chicken salad and the bread is dry as a result -1 point.
-His watermelon salad with pineapple ice draws mixed results. Padma says it’s more flavorful than Grayson’s, but the others say they encountered unpleasant chunks of ice. 0 points.
-For reasons I still can’t determine because of a lack of context, Chris tells a little girl at the block party, “They all thought I was crazy. But I’m like, I am crazy; that's why I’m here.” 0 points.
-After the votes are tallied, he lands in the bottom with Sarah and Ed, and returns to the stew room to spout off an almost entirely bleeped-out comment: “God, I’d hate to go home because I didn’t wrap my [bleep]ing [bleep], and I didn’t [bleeping]ing  blend my [bleep]ing smoothie. What a bitch move that would be.” You kiss your baby daughter with that mouth, Chris? -1 point.
-The judges recognized that Chris made a better attempt to cook a healthy dish than fellow chef Ed, whose dish they also didn’t like. +1 point.
-Even though Ed’s dish was made out to be a bigger disaster, the judges send Chris home. “Idea, idea, idea … cannot execute” said Tom, who criticized Chris throughout the competition for letting his unique ideas overrule better judgment. -1 point.
-Always the jokester, Chris (or Jonesy, as Grayson calls him) leaves with a laugh. “Somebody take [Paul] down so he doesn’t win the most money ever on ‘Top Chef.’ But if you don't, I love you. Good luck!” +1 point.
-When the show ends, it’s not over. Chris gets a letter from Tom inviting him to “meet him in the kitchen” to  compete in a “Last Chance Kitchen” webisode for a chance to get back in the competition. Chris thinks that means the cast house kitchen, where he proceeds to wait for 10 minutes with only the bear-shaped honey container to keep him company. -1 point.
-It’s Chicago against Chicago as he takes on reigning champ Beverly in a mystery box challenge. They’re tasked with cooking a dish out of lamb, marshmallows, parsnips, radicchio, white anchovies and other discordant ingredients. Both dishes are good, but ultimately he chooses Beverly – meaning Jonesy is out for good. -1 point.

Next week, Sarah will be the last Chicago chef standing with five chefs left (and Beverly waiting in the wings).

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