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Here's how to decide which super bandwagon to jump on

January 24, 2012|By Ernest Wilkins, RedEye

It's that time of year again, and I'd like to ask a serious question, folks. Why do countless Americans create half-assed reasons to root for one of the teams playing in the Super Bowl? ("Uh, my uncle lived in New Jersey for a few years, and he always wore a Giants hat ...") Lucky for you, I've got a quick breakdown of real reasons why you should root for either the Patriots or the Giants.

Patriots: Look at it this way: They actually represent what America is like these days. Completely ruthless and ruled by a conglomerate of rich dudes and a guy who dresses like a complete slob. The main players? A Michigan Man with "One Tree Hill" hair who bangs supermodels and wears Uggs because he can (Brady), a short guy with a chip on his shoulder (Welker) and their frat buddy who only answers to "Gronk." I half expect him to yell "O'Doyle RULES!" every time he scores. The New England Patriots are the real America's team, for better or for worse. Also, they beat Tim Tebow all the way back to Damascus, which should be reason alone to support them.

Giants: The best receiver they have was undrafted, so the whole "Rocky" theme is in play. They have an amazing defense and actually do things on special teams. Also, there's finally going to be a Manning playing at the RCALucasOilJustGiveUsYourMoneyAlready Dome this season! Isn't that reason enough? No? Well, there's always the commercials, right?

One last thing ...

The recent revelation that Michael Jordan didn't actually get cut from his high school varsity hoops team kinda makes me less of a fan of his. I get motivation, but that's kind of a stretch, don't you think? We've got to stop with the outright hero worship, you guys. Root for whomever, but remember that they're human beings that are capable of the same dumb stuff as your do-nothing cousin is. Never forget that. See you next time, and keep your nose clean.

erwilkins@tribune.com | @remixchicago

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