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Fast food delivery? That's just criminal

  • Burger King
Burger King (Bloomberg )
January 18, 2012|By Ernest Wilkins, RedEye

Have you ever had a really bad hangover? I'm talking spend-half-the-night-on-the-bathroom-floor-cuddling-with-the-rug bad. Well, isn't one of the best feelings in the world getting up and venturing out into the afternoon in search of greasiness?

I ask because recently a handful of Burger King restaurants in Maryland and Virginia decided to take that away from us: They now offer delivery.

Some would say this is the best invention since using grilled cheese sandwiches as burger buns. I say it's a step in the wrong direction. Americans work harder for less pay these days. Still, it seems that we as a whole are embracing being out-and-out lazy.

It's not just getting hot food (well, probably lukewarm by the time you get it) delivered to your house, either. Last week, the commissioner of a Louisiana parish proposed a ban on wearing pajamas (both the full sets and the pants) in public after realizing that people in his town were wearing pajamas ALL DAY LONG.

Are we so lazy that we can't even manage to slide on jeans? I'm scared for us as a country. Now, before I continue down the pious path, I'm willing to make a few concessions that still allow us to kick back without looking slack. Uh, or something.

Make a plan

If you're consistently rushing from bed to class/work, start planning to put clothes out the night before. My mother will hate me saying this, but you don't always have to iron. Take your shirts/suits/slacks to the dry cleaners (or wash them then hang them up to dry). The simple act of putting together an outfit (even if it's a hoodie and jeans) are a step in the right direction. Look at it this way: You put your outfit together when you're going out on the weekend, don't you? That's what I thought.

Cook your own damn food

"Oh waaaaah, Ernest! Food is hard to make!" You're kidding, right? Have you ever made a PBJ? Eggs? Cereal and milk? That's cooking, you guys. Whether it be a sandwich or a stromboli, you can easily replicate the food you're going out of your way to buy. There are millions of recipes out there, and tons of sites that help you plan out meals. I'm a big fan of, and my ma's cookbook.

Get up and get out

In the interest of transparency, I need it to be known that I wasn't actually following my own advice for this one until recently, when I took a class at my gym with some co-workers. Still sore, btw. A friend recently told me that staying active is the easiest way to make the rest of your life run smoothly. It's a process I'm working on, but I definitely feel better. Go take a class if you don't know what you're doing in the gym. Doesn't matter which one. Go run to the end of the block. If it isn't that hard, add another one. Keep going until you get a mile. Repeat and so on.

I'm not trying to step on our freedom of expression, but being a slob isn't helping anyone, especially yourself. Let's be the best looking, healthiest, most-sex-having-est country on Earth, you guys! Now if we could only do something about those toe shoes ...


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