If I'm Mayan, then I'm dyin'

  • Spinning is out in 2012.
Spinning is out in 2012. (Chicago Tribune file )
January 03, 2012|By Ana Fernatt, For RedEye

We're always saying we should live every day like it's our last. Tomorrow is never promised. And every New Year, we make a thousand empty promises to ourselves to get better, do everything we've always wanted and live a fuller life.

Well, folks, time is up. According to the Mayans, we have only one year left to make good on this so-called life. So, screw it. Cheers to the freakin' new year. Let's get it on.

If this doomsday stuff is true, we might as well go out in style.

You've seen the madness of Black Friday shoppers spilling through Target's sliding doors? Now imagine if it wasn't your Christmas list you were racing to check off, but your bucket list. It's not a $12 toaster we were all trying to get, but a high-five from Michael Jordan or a spin in Air Force One.

You can't take it with you, so you might as well get as many experiences shoved into your memory bank as possible. Stuff's about to get crazy.

First of all, social rules don't apply. You know that whole "don't get back with an ex" rule? Forget about it. If you really do love each other, awesome. If you don't, you'll have to put up with each other for only a few months. And, hey, don't even tell anybody that you're together.

Maybe there's someone who you haven't been able to shake because you are too nice to just cut the ties. Consider those strings severed. Who wants to waste their last moments stressing about someone who's just not worth the worry lines?

2012 is a year of personal discovery. I've always wondered how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, if all strange meats really do taste like chicken, and whether the Loch Ness Monster can be trained like Shamu. It's time to find out!

I'm not sure what goal I'll achieve first: yachting with Mick Jagger, brushing Zach Galifianakis' beard or persuading Justin Bieber that he's not a real person. I can, however, tell you the first thing I WON'T be doing in 2012: spinning. I freaking hate spinning class. If I'm going three times a week to an hourlong class, that is a full six days every year that I've spent pedaling in place, hating my life and regretting every cocktail I've ever sipped. In fact, I think I'm going to bathe in champagne outside the glass windows of a gym during aerobics class.

Stop regretting. We made the decisions we made at the time because we believed them to be the best choices. We can't change that. Every perceived mistake is a lesson. When we really think about it, the people and things that are most important to us become crystal clear. It's not as difficult as we make it, so stop standing in your own way.

What if the Mayans didn't predict 2012 as the end of humanity? Instead, they just couldn't find a rock big enough to inscribe predictions for another 3,000 years. Who really cares? Did you SEE how I just spent my year? I win, Mayans. And, well, if they are right ... consider this your shotgun start.

ANA FERNATT IS A REDEYE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR.

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