The "Jersey Shore" gang attacked Italy in Season 4 of the hit… (MTV )
I sat in front of our Christmas tree last week, egg nog in hand, watching the tiny lights twinkle as I pondered a great holiday mystery: "Who in the hell would buy the 'Jersey Shore: Season 4 (Uncensored)' DVD set?"
Is it someone with a burning desire to hear Snooki break the world land-speed record for saying the f-word the most times in one sentence?
Is it someone who wants to be able to relive over and over again the moment when the Situation tells Deena to “be a woman, do some dishes”?
Perhaps they’re eager to experience DVD extra gems like “Jersey Shore Fashion,” in which Pauly D and Deena show the camera some of the clothes they bought in Italy.
Folks, there are only two types of people in this great nation of ours: Those who have seen “Jersey Shore” and those who have not.
If you haven’t seen “Jersey Shore,” you don’t want to. You sigh heavily and walk out of the room when you stumble upon your girlfriend watching the show. You hate “Jersey Shore.” You frequently refer to it as the best evidence of the decline of Western Civilization.
If you’ve already seen the latest season, why on earth do you need a DVD set of it? You have seen all of this, and even if you haven’t seen it, you’ve seen it, ifyouknowwhatimean. Trust me, there is no undiscovered magic here. I have thrown myself on the proverbial sword and watched the entire damn thing (again. I actually watched the show when it first aired).
There’s no need for it.
First things first: “Jersey Shore: Uncensored” is not even entirely uncensored.
Sure, most of the f-bombs are back, as is most of the other cursing (which does, I admit, make some of the drunken, screamed arguments a little bit easier to follow). But inexplicably, some of the curse words remain edited out. There’s even a scene where the words “penis” and “vagina” are silenced. It’s confusing.
Any flashes of boobs, lady bits or butts also are still off-limits (with the “Jersey Shore” logo or a blur preventing you from ogling Snooki’s nether regions. You pervert.)
It would be more honest to call this set “Jersey Shore: Partially Less Censored.”
As far as the DVD “extras” go, we’re really scraping the bottom of an already extremely low barrel here. There are numerous deleted scenes, which—believe me—were deleted for excellent reasons. There's also the aforementioned fashion extra. Or you can watch the “After Hours” specials and reunion episode, but those all aired already.
When you get down to it, there's not much to recommend the DVD set at all. Amazon was charging $19.99 to preorder the set, which comes out Tuesday.
I'm assuming the post-holiday release is for one reason and one reason only: No one needs to get this thing as a gift.