I'm no rabid Cubs fan by any means, but when I heard Theo Epstein was moving into a $3.25 million mansion in Lakeview and becoming my neighbor, I was pretty pumped. And by neighbor, I mean I can see the back porches of this beast from my apartment.
So I can only imagine Theo and I are going to get close. Really close. I've already got Rosie around the corner and Dempster down the street, but they're not quite within borrow-a-cup-of-sugar distance. And with a kitchen that size, I'm sure Theo's got plenty to spare. I'm looking forward to:
>> Team barbecues. With a dual-level porch and a plethora of Cubs in the 'hood, it's only a matter of time until the boss invites his new guys over for hot meats and a few games of cornhole. I figure I've got until it gets warm—so, July—to score an invite … or just prepare my perch for ogling.
>> Christmas lights. I have no idea when the Epstein fam is moving in, but I can only imagine Theo will wrangle a display that'll put the Griswolds to shame. And by "Theo," I mean Carlos Zambrano and any other player Theo wouldn't mind losing to the disabled list after falling off the roof. Just watch the fence spikes on the way down.
>> Watching Patrick Sharp ring the doorbell. The smokin' Blackhawk canceled his contract on the house five days before Theo locked in his deal, but that doesn't mean he won't try to swing by for a visit. Although from what I can tell, this place has no doorbell, just a trap door that falls open when Jehovah's Witnesses knock on the door, so Patrick may be out of luck.
But don't worry, I'll be avoiding any urge to secure entry into this fortress by means of a) passing myself off as a babysitter for his son, b) dressing up as an olde-tyme caroler or c) pulling the old fake-cop-casing-the-joint scam from "Home Alone." After all, a neighbor has to have her limits.
Dana Moran is a RedEye copy editor.
firstname.lastname@example.org | @redeyedana