Listen, I like Ozzie Guillen. I really do. We were two of the only people in Chicago with back-to-back Z's in our first name.
But there comes a time in a dog's life when he must take a stand. Ozzie has crossed a line. And behalf of all dogs in this fine world, I've got to put him—and all dog owners, for that matter--in his place.
Please, for the love of all that is sacred, don't kiss your dog with an open mouth like the Ozman did on the cover of ESPN The Magazine.
First of all, it looks downright revolting. I mean, just look at it.
Secondly, we don't like it. At all.
We don't know where your mouth has been, what disgusting things you've been shoving in there—or spewed out of it.
In Ozzie's case, he lets a lot of stuff out of his mouth most people wouldn't.
In the magazine interview, he talks about his relationship with White Sox general manager Kenny Williams.
"On the field it was good. But the last two years, off the field, it was not good," he said. "It was unhealthy for the team. It was unfair to the players because we put ourselves between them."
He also took a shot at designated hitters, in a roundabout way.
"I've never managed without a designated hitter, but I'll get used to it," he said. "I don't like the DH. I have a bulldog and named him DH because he is so lazy. He just sits there, eats and sleeps."
Fairly interesting stuff, but I just can't get past that picture.
We are man's best friend. Yes, friend. Let's keep it that way.