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1. Read these rules. 2. Argue sports

October 18, 2011|By Ernest Wilkins | RedEye

Can we all agree that arguing about sports is more fun than the games themselves sometimes? From the basic "my team is better than your team" verbal jousts to "[Insert player name here] was the best player for [insert sport team here] of all time" boasts, a good sports debate is a blast.

Recently, this columnist had a loud argument with a buddy (by the way, I'm starting a charity called The Ernest Wilkins Foundation For People Who Drink Too Much And Then Try And Have Super Serious Conversations) and realized there should be some sort of etiquette for these debates. Allow me to share some tips.

Titles carry weight: If your team hasn't even sniffed a championship in 25 years, pipe down on boasting. You still can make quality points, just leave that one out of it. Also: Over-hyping your past titles means nothing if it's been at least five years since the last one. (Looking at you, White Sox fans.)

Some sports count more than others: Wish it weren't the case, but in the USA people tend to give more weight to titles in football, basketball and baseball. If your school annually dominates the Frozen Four but hasn't ever made an NCAA hoops tournament, you lose some credibility.

Victory belongs to the nerdy: Your debate can gain serious traction. All those unnecessary stats you know can finally be put to use! White Sox fan? Caught in yet another Cubs vs. Sox argument? Casually mention that the all-time series record is 49–41, Good Guys. Then yell "TREATED" and pour a beer on their head.

Remember, you don't play for the team: This isn't the time for the royal "we." Wolverines fans: "We" didn't kick a game-winner in OT against Michigan State in 2005, Garret Rivas did.

Take these suggestions seriously. If you follow them, you'll crush anyone coming at you with nonsensical sports arguments. Bear in mind though, all rules go out the window when alcohol is involved. Did I mention that charity idea I had?

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